Pregnancy Scare of the Fifth Year
by Silver Lucifer
Summary: Sirius runs around Hogwarts telling everyone that he's pregnant. Remus doesn't know if he should be amused or horrified that people believe him.


Today, Remus decided, was going to be a normal day. He was in the Great Hall with James and Peter, and they had just started eating breakfast. James was once again hitting on Lily, who seemed to be three seconds away from hexing him, and Peter was making googly eyes at the love of his life: his breakfast. Remus smiled at his chocolate chip pancakes, yes, today was going to be a normal day.

"But Lily flower! Just one date! Please!" James Potter ruffled his already untidy hair as he grinned at the redhead. Lily Evan's emerald eyes flashed with annoyance as she glared at the stag animagus.

"I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth!" Her hand twitched as she fought against the need to reach for her wand and jinx the pompous ass.

"But Lil-"

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MOONY!" James Potter, as well as the rest of the Great Hall stopped talking and turned to the doorway, only to see a distraught Sirius Black. Remus looked at his boyfriend and sighed.

"What now Pa-"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Sirius looked as if he was about to cry, as he sprinted towards his boyfriend and tackled him. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! I'M GOING TO BE FAT AND UGLY AND NO ONE IS GOING TO LIKE ME AND… AND… HOW COULD YOU?" If the werewolf was confused before he was completely lost now.

"Um… Pads? Are you okay?" The prefect tried to stroke the other man's hair as he began to sob.

"NO I'M NOT!" The black haired boy looked up at his boyfriend with tears in his eyes, "I'M PREGNANT AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" The once silent Great Hall then proceeded to burst into conversation, and Remus rubbed his temples with his fingertips. Yes, it was another normal day at Hogwarts.

* * *

"But Sluggy! I'm pregnant! The fumes will hurt the baby!" Sirius looked at his potions professor with wide eyes, "W-what if I lose the baby? What will I do then?" The elderly professor looked at his student with understanding eyes.

"Yes, yes, of course Mr. Black, why don't you go back to your dorms and rest? I'm sure this is very stressful for you." The animagus sniffled a couple times and nodded, pouting as he left the dungeons. Remus once again let out a sigh as a few people, Gryffindor and Slytherin alike, shot him dirty looks for impregnating the school's stud. Did they really believe that a MAN could get pregnant WITHOUT a potion?

* * *

Transfiguration was one of the marauder's favorite classes. After all, this had been the class that had helped them become animagi. Sirius had been especially good at it, and had taken great pride at being marginally better than Moony. However today…

"MINNIE! I JUST CAN'T GET IT!" Professor McGonagall looked at one of her star students with a sad look.

"It's Professor, Mr. Black. And it's perfectly understandable. The baby must be causing extreme stress to your body, and by extension your magic. Just rest, it should come back to you once your body is used to having a child." Sirius nodded sadly and Remus looked as if he was about to cry. Even Professor McGonagall?

* * *

"Oi Snivellus! Lay off, he's pregnant." James growled at the greasy git, " Do you want to hurt the baby?" Severus Snape glared at his nemesis.

"Do you actually believe that he's pregnant?" He said with amusement laced in his voice. "I mean really, you have to be a certain level of DENSE to believe that."

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT" Sirius was in tears, " MY BABY IS REAL! RIGHT MOONY?" Remus froze, how do you tell your boyfriend that he's loony and is imagining things without being hexed? Or dumped for that matter…

"O-of course Pads…." Snape snorted and turned away, mumbling something along the lines of 'whipped'.

* * *

As per usual, the werewolf returned to the tower after classes to get his homework done before his rounds. He stepped through the portrait, only to find Sirius sitting in front of the fire, stroking his stomach. Remus plopped down next to him, and threw an arm around his boyfriend.

"So... uh… you were joking right? You're not really pregnant… right?" Remus looked at the black haired boy nervously.

"MOONY! How could you? Do you think that I would ALLOW myself to get… FAT?" Sirius looked at the other with wide eyes, "I-I thought that you knew better than that! Do you know me at all? I...I HATE YOU!" He got up and ran towards the marauder's bedroom and Remus sighed for what had to be the hundredth time that day before he snorted. Ha! Normal day. What day at Hogwarts was _normal?_


End file.
